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'' The decline in dating and romantic relationships on college campuses has been deplored often enough.By 2001, it had become so pronounced that a conservative group, the Independent Women's Forum, was compelled to take out ads in college papers on the East Coast and in the Midwest pleading with students to '' Take Back the Date.'' But their efforts don't seem to have paid off.It's not that teenagers have given up on love altogether. When you're friends with benefits, you go over, hook up, then play video games or something.Most of the high-school students I spent time with said they expected to meet the right person, fall in love and marry -- eventually. As these teenagers see it, marriage and monogamy will seamlessly replace their youthful hookup careers sometime in their mid- to late 20's -- or, as one high-school boy from Rhode Island told me online, when ''we turn 30 and no one hot wants us anymore.'' Brian, a 16-year-old friend of Jesse's, put it this way: '' Being in a real relationship just complicates everything. It rocks.'' Why Valentine's Day Is for Losers Dating practices and sexual behavior still vary along racial and economic lines, but some common assumptions, particularly about suburban versus urban kids, no longer hold true.'' Even my mom thinks it's weird.'' Just a few weeks ago, Caity and Kate met a cute boy at the mall.'' Me and Kate walked into this store,'' Caity says, ''and this boy saw the shirt Kate was wearing that says, ' Kiss Me, I'm an Amoeba.' So he was, like, ' That's an awesome shirt.' And she was, like, ' Want me to make you one?So, amid the bronzed, scantily clad waitresses and a boisterous bachelor party, I find Jesse, a high-school sophomore with broad shoulders and messy brown hair peeking out from underneath his baseball cap.

Dating someone from your school is considered by many to be risky, akin to seeing someone from the office, so teenagers tend to look to nearby schools or towns, whether they're hoping to date or just to hook up.'' Girls were making out with each other on the beach. '' While Adam and Caity denied it, there was a thick fog of sexual intrigue that surrounded their friendship -- and a few weeks after our dinner at Hooters, Jesse sent me an online message notifying me of a hookup in the making between Adam and Caity.They were planning to go over to Jesse's house and ''mess around.'' As Jesse explained it, Adam told Caity he didn't want a relationship, and she replied that that was fine, she didn't want one, either. '' Caity told me, ' Adam knows he's not going to get in my pants, but I might get into his.' For now they might just make out, but Caity said that if they hang out a lot more, maybe they'll do more.'' The next day, Jesse messaged me to say that the hookup never materialized. But I'm guessing it still might happen.'' I first met Jesse online at facethejury.com, one of many Internet sites popular with high-school and college students, where teenagers can post profiles, exchange e-mail and arrange to hook up.When he lived in Florida last year, he lost his virginity to a friend who threw a condom at him and ordered him to put it on.'' Down in Key West, high-school girls are crazy,'' Adam said.

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